The Ultimate Ultimate Coordinator
by Big-Babidi
Summary: A mock story of OC based fiction in where the OC and his original mobile suit are way better than Kira and Athrun combined. Keep in mind it's all in good fun. If you're in the mood to laugh, you've found the right place.


For some weird reason, I haven't been able to get this idea out of my head lately. The solution: just write it. This is a mock story of OC based fiction where the OC and his original mobile suit are _waaaay_ better than Kira and Athrun. This story is simply a joke, so if you're in the mood for some good laughs, you've found the right place. This story happens during ep. 49-50 of GS.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED.

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The Ultimate-Ultimate Coordinator 

By Big-Babidi

* * *

"Kira! We're not gonna make it!" 

Piloting their nuclear mobile suits, each equipped with the METEOR, Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala soared towards the nuclear missiles headed for the PLANTs. The situation was clearly against them as the aforementioned weapons of destruction kept accelerating just barely out of their reach. Time seemed to slow down as the pilots could only stare at the missiles, powerless to end the anticipated destruction their successful strike would cause.

Kira started trembling, "No!"

Having yet another thing in common with his friend, Athrun also trembled while yelling, "No!"

Yzak and Dearka, who just caught a glimpse of the missiles, had their own comments to add.

"Shit!"

"Damn!"

One more commentator at the scene, Mwu put in his own two cents.

"Crap!"

Just when the inevitable was about to occur, an unbelievable amount of shots fired from nowhere. In a matter of milliseconds, every nuke was destroyed saving the PLANTs from guaranteed death. Flying with a speed that made the Freedom look like a retarded snail paralyzed since birth, an unknown mobile suit entered the battlefield, allowing everyone to marvel at its awesome appearance.

The suit itself was black, since no other color represents mysterious and coolness simultaneously with the same magnitude. The mobile suit obviously had a nuclear engine, especially since it was being introduced at such a late time in the anime. Equipped with the most powerful armor plating of the future, it could withstand most beam shots without causing a dent. Before any attacks reached this plating, however, the mobile suit also had the Geschmeidig Panzer energy deflection armor like the GAT-X252 Forbidden. There were two beam sabers on each of its hips, making four total. It carried a beam rifle in each hand, as well as a Scylla energy cannon on its' abdomen.

What made this machine so unbelievable were the armaments located on the back. Its backside was mounted with over thirty DRAGOON weapon pods, making it look like a big ass porcupine with guns. Regardless of its extremely heavy armaments, it had more than enough speed to beat the Strike Freedom in a race even if Kira had a five hour head start. The fact that the Strike Freedom hadn't been created yet was irrelevant. It couldn't even compare to this mobile suit.

For those wondering the identity of this inhuman device, the mobile suit was known as the ZGMF-X99A Fuckin' Unstoppable.

The most powerful Gundam _ever_.

Its secrecy was only exceeded by its power.

Not only was the Fuckin' Unstoppable well…unstoppable, a similar assessment perfectly described the pilot. A former ZAFT soldier who joined when he was thirteen, he quickly rose through the ranks becoming an almighty elite. He had so many Order or the Nebula awards that his uniform ran out of places to put them, earning him the nickname 'The Invincible Bad Ass'.

It wasn't his choice to leave ZAFT, but after somehow knowing the exact direction the war was heading, he had to make an escape for the sake of peace. Taking off his helmet to show everyone his face, the man had long, breathtaking silver hair and mesmerizing crimson eyes. He was none other than Taz Eagle, since someone with his limitless talent can never have a normal name like John or Ryan.

Instantly gasps and other forms of surprised noises were heard through the communication devices of every ship. He didn't even need to say a word to create a worldwide impact. The murmurs aboard the vessels were a massive collection of surprise, fear, awe, jealousy, and even some containing love.

"No way! Taz Eagle is alive?"

"Alright! 'The Invincible Bad Ass'!"

"With Taz here, we can sit back and relax! Goodbye war!"

"Taz Eagle? We are _so_ _fucked_!"

"Taz! Taz! Taz! Taz!"

"T-T-T-Taz E-E-E-Eagle! Screw Blue Cosmos! I'm outta here!"

"WE LOVE YOU TAZ!" came from an ear shattering yell by a plethora of ZAFT women.

Taz Eagle, now at the perfect age of eighteen was actually the real experiment of the Ultimate Coordinator project. At the time, Dr. Hibiki believed him to be a failure, tossing him aside. Little did the doctor know, but Taz was actually even _more_ ultimate than Kira.

When word got out of his ultimate-ness, he earned another nickname as 'The Ultimate-Ultimate Coordinator'. Having an extra 'ultimate' in his title clearly proved his superiority over Kira, completely disregarding the fact that the brown haired youth was the actual main character of Gundam SEED.

While not piloting, Taz's caliber remained unrivaled. As an ex-soldier, Taz was the greatest when it came to all forms of shooting. Whether it was a sniper rifle or a slingshot, his aim was _always_ dead on. The silver haired man's unarmed fighting skills are also ridiculously dangerous.

As a master of every form of combat, Taz easily made the greatest fighters resemble a pack of gossiping schoolgirls.

Fighting aside, the former ZAFT elite was quite the spokesman. Using nothing more than his vocal cords, Taz could easily make soldier morale skyrocket, as well as persuade anyone to his line of thinking.

This talent served the extra benefit of making Taz Eagle history's greatest ladies man. Saying the perfect lines, along with a voice that made a jaguar purr, even the most faithful wives left their husbands for him.

In fact, the ZGMF-X99A Fuckin' Unstoppable was created by 'The Invincible Bad Ass' himself. The legendary event took place in an extremely secret location deep underground. In fact, if it was any further below ground the ZAFT elite would've created his masterpiece in the earth's core. Then again, he's Taz _fuckin'_ Eagle so he could handle it.

After all, he liked it hot.

Beginning with nothing more than a rubber band, a toothbrush and a box of condoms, Taz Eagle finished the Fuckin' Unstoppable in a week flat, the first and last moment of his life where he actually broke a sweat.

With his colossal introduction finally finished, the gargantuan battle reclaimed the attention of the story. Taking a look around, Taz spotted three M1-Astray units on the verge of being destroyed.

"Oh hell no!" the red eyed man exclaimed. For unexplainable reasons, Taz could tell those three pilots were actually good girls who deserved saving. Sending a few DRAGOON pods to play, their rescue was easier than breathing. Just as he guessed, the three pilots were the girls Asagi Caldwell, Mayura Labatt, and Juri Wu Nien. The girls had stars in their eyes while they stared at this deity in human form.

"Thank you so much, Taz!"

"You're amazing, Taz!"

"Taz, that was awesome!"

He simply smiled back, "No problem ladies, it's what I do". With that, he flew away, knowing this action will make the women want him even more.

* * *

Watching his selfless act from another area of the battlefield, Cagalli was in awe of his strength, his valor and his never ending kindness. She was so distracted that she didn't even notice a Hresvelgr plasma induction cannon blast from the GAT-X252 Forbidden until too late. The blond girl closed her eyes, expecting everything to end, only to reopen them seeing the same black, mysterious, powerful, and undeniably amazing mobile suit in front of her that rescued her friends seconds before. 

Shani started panicking.

The Fuckin' Unstoppable deflected the attack with armor like the Forbidden's! "What the hell! It deflects like mine does!"

Taz just shook his in amusement. "You dare compare that action figure with my divine machine of ultimate ass kicking!"

He then drew two beam sabers and thrust them in Shani's cockpit, destroying the machine quicker than the Forbidden's pilot could say 'holy shit'.

Cagalli could easily tell that he was the one for her. If his looks, personality and determination weren't enough, being an insanely powerful OC sealed the deal. He was just too good to resist. She took a second to remember Athrun, only to shake her head. "Nah…Athrun's _so_ yesterday. I mean, he has blue hair for god's sake!"

"Shani!" Orga yelled. Even if they were complete dicks to each other, the three EAF pilots were still comrades. Firing a simultaneous attack with the Schlag shoulder cannons and the Scylla cannon from his abdomen, Taz's Gundam simply deflected the attack effortlessly.

Taz smirked, "My shields are waaaaaaaay better than your friend's," he then chuckled, his cockiness never leaving him for a moment. "Hell, these babies could easily deflect that GENESIS weapon."

Letting his thirty plus DRAGOON pods run wild, the Calamity was annihilated. Before the pods returned to their machine, they also destroyed the Raider, just for the hell of it.

The former ZAFT elite looked around, spotting a Lohengrin blast from the Dominion aiming straight for the Archangel. The Fuckin' Unstoppable raced towards the scene, making sure to include himself in every event of the story.

* * *

Mwu was not having a good day. Of course, the same could be said for everyone, considering they were in a fucking war zone, but that was beside the point. Not only did the blond veteran experience defeat from Rau Le Creuset, he was inches away from receiving a Lohengrin blast to save the Archangel, making him a dead man in mere moments. 

'_Man, oh man',_ he thought.

Just as he gave up hope, the same miracle that happened to Cagalli bestowed itself upon Mwu. The Lohengrin was gone, while a certain mysterious Gundam stood in front of the damaged Strike. Using its DRAGOONs _again_, the Dominion was quickly stripped of its offensive armaments.

In seconds, the Fuckin' Unstoppable boarded the Dominion, somehow knowing he'd be able to save someone on a ship that was already evacuated.

Murrue stared at the Fuckin' Unstoppable in amazement. _'He saved the Archangel when Mwu didn't! Now I love Taz instead!'_

Miriallia was thinking along the same lines. _'Sorry Dearka, but with Taz here you're out of your league.'_

* * *

Using an unheard of hacking sequence, he easily overrode Natarle's lockdown of the bridge, opening the door containing Azrael and the aforementioned black haired captain. 

Wasting no time, Taz unsheathed his sword, the 'I'm Better Than You'. Despite the times, the former ZAFT elite's weapon of choice was his own custom blade, since all bad ass pilots carried one, ignoring the insanely large handicap that occurred when _everyone else_ used a gun.

He quickly dashed towards Azrael, dodging every bullet fired with reaction time only 'The Ultimate-Ultimate Coordinator' could possibly attain. A few quick slashes later, Azrael's body was physically rearranged into a deluxe sized jigsaw puzzle.

Once Taz put his sword away, two beautiful arms wrapped around the man's neck, followed by a sexy giggle from Natarle Badgiruel.

Regardless of how ice cold her personality was aboard the Archangel, it was quickly melted by Taz's scorching hot, unrelenting machismo creating a nice, cheerful, voluptuous woman.

The undeniable fact that she knew _nothing_ about the guy went completely out the window. "Oh Taz! Ravish me!"

He smirked, unfazed by her ludicrous request. "All in due time, sweetheart. I gotta get you to the Archangel first. I know that ship better than anyone, it won't be a problem."

The man told no lies.

In reality, Morganroete had nothing to do with the Archangel's production.

That's right, it was all Taz.

A month after creating his mobile suit, Mr. Eagle found himself with some silly string, a broken shoe, and a box of flash cards, and figured; 'I'm bored, maybe I should make a super secret, yet powerful warship to kill some time?'

So he did just that.

Taking two weeks, the man finished the Archangel with nothing more than the supplies mentioned above.

He almost broke his second sweat, but after creating history's most potent energy drink with nothing but a paperclip, a can of expired OJ, and one of Lacus Clyne's thongs; that problem was instantly nipped in the bud. For those wondering about Taz's acquirement of the pink princess' undergarments, keep in mind that we're talkin' about _Taz Eagle_ here.

Sleeping with an engaged woman, even one of Lacus' status, was child's play for a man of his talent.

Minutes later, the Fuckin' Unstoppable left the Archangel after dropping Natarle off in the Hangar. Mr. Murdoch, who was currently watching almost fainted in shock at the unheard of speed the mysterious Gundam possessed. "Sweet Jesus that's fast!"

* * *

Kira barely managed to block the Providence's shot aimed towards the Dominion's escape pod.

Seconds before the ZAFT Gundam's DRAGOONs continued their assault; a countless number of shots came from nowhere and destroyed all the Providence's DRAGOONs. The attack was a perfect facsimile of the blasts that destroyed the nuclear missiles.

No surprise there, since reusing scenes was extremely popular in Gundam SEED.

Once the Fuckin' Unstoppable became visible to the Providence, it fired a Scylla beam cannon blast from its abdomen. The attack nailed the left shoulder of the Providence, taking the arm with it. Flying _even faster_ than before, the all-powerful, mysterious Gundam used its leg beam blade and kicked the Providence in half.

Yes, you read that correctly. He kicked…the Providence…_in half!_

Flay had hearts in her eyes. _'Taz is so amazing! All of my feelings I've developed for Kira the past couple months have just transferred over to him and I don't feel bad about it at all!'_

Taz decided to give that wet-behind-the-ears Kira Yamato kid some orders. "Kira, fly around and pretend to look busy. I'll handle everything…and I mean _everything_."

Kira obeyed and started flying around in circles like an idiot. Then again, what choice did he have? Taz Eagle gave him an order! If he refused, who knows what kind of unbelievable punishment the former ZAFT elite would have in store for the boy.

* * *

Resuming his flight at unfathomable speeds, the Fuckin' Unstoppable drew two beam sabers and simply chopped GENESIS to pieces. Unlike normal beam sabers, these were a thousand times stronger, like everything else related to Taz. Under five minutes later, the once destructive weapon now strongly resembled a large batch of popcorn.

Taz gazed around at the hellish battlefield and yelled at the top of his lungs, "STOP FIGHTING!"

_Every_ mobile suit and ship stopped fighting immediately. The former heading back to their ships, awaiting the powerful words from the god amongst mere mortals.

Once all mobile suits returned safely, Taz Eagle began his 'make Naturals and Coordinators co-exist' speech of epic proportions. It couldn't be described in detail, because _no_ author has the ability to replicate such greatness with words alone.

Aboard the Archangel, all the important characters who were on the bridge loved every second of Taz's grandiose message. The former ZAFT elite mentioned he'd stay aboard the Archangel, since he did build it and everything.

Proceeding that statement, Natarle, Flay, Asagi, Mayura, and Juri all bolted for the Hangar bay to greet their hero. The fact that they'd share the same guy, as well as the fact that he didn't love any of them at all never crossed their minds.

Lacus was ecstatic to see Taz again. She took a glance at Kira and asked, "Kira, may I have my ring back please?"

He was confused by her request but gave it back, his nice-guy persona shining brightly.

With her ring returned safely, Lacus followed the other girls, intent on giving the same ring to a certain silver haired, crimson eyed bad ass.

Coming up to Athrun, Cagalli shook his hand, "I guess we didn't need to protect each other after all."

The blue haired boy was confused by this until he saw her running towards the hangar bay. That's when he realized he got screwed.

Murrue saluted her now fellow officer, no longer boyfriend Mwu La Flaga. "Glad to see you're still alive, Commander La Flaga." She then followed Lacus to the hangar.

Miriallia approached Dearka, who had a bad feeling about this after seeing the actions of the other girls.

"You did alright out there, Dearka." That was it. Afterwards, she ran to the hangar, hoping to arrive on time for Taz's entrance.

Kira, Athrun, Mwu, and Dearka stood frozen from shock. The four of them just lost their girlfriends to one man.

Ah well. The story wasn't really about them, anyway. It was all about Taz.

* * *

In the hangar bay, Taz was pounced by nine beautiful women who wanted nothing more than making love to the universe's savior. This continued for nearly thirty minutes straight until one of the mechanics decided to inspect the Fuckin' Unstoppable.

Taz immediately squirmed out of the women's hold and addressed all the mechanics in the hangar bay with a super serious expression. "I will not allow any of you to tamper with my machine! My character wouldn't remain as mysterious if I allowed you the permission to do your job and check out my Gundam!"

Everyone cringed with fear at the tone the former ZAFT ace used. Some mechanics ran away, some started crying, while others fainted. Even Mr. Murdoch ended up pissing himself a little.

Noticing the change in mood, Taz instructed the girls to wait for him in his room an hour later.

* * *

When Taz opened the door to his room, he was introduced to the sight of the same nine beautiful women.

One notable difference: the beauties were only wearing panties while lying on his deluxe sized bed.

Setting the sheathed 'I'm Better Than You' by the door, the silver haired legend walked to the bed, intent on giving the ladies exactly what they wanted.

Events like these were a daily occurrence for 'The Ultimate-Ultimate Coordinator', Taz Eagle. 'The Invincible Bad Ass' was the best of the best of the best and today was simply one of the millions of times where he proved it.

THE END

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Not my best work, but it was still fun to write.

Anyways, just keep in mind that this only a joke, so don't take it too seriously.

Questions, comments, suggestions, constructive criticism, don't hesitate to leave a review, email or a PM.

(EDIT – 6/17/07) – Fixed some grammar errors.

(EDIT – 10/27/07) – Did a little more editing.

See ya

Big-Babidi


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